Written By Jesse Batista
Befuddled I am at the calmness bestowed upon me by some omnipotent being, This being my first flight. Relaxing my grip and opening my blurry eyes to get my bearings as we glide over beech and birch trees. The frigid ground below is balls deep in snow. Laying back and looking about, I can’t help but be blindsided by the beguiling buxom blonde in row B. Seems her blood was starting to boil as the boy behind her was banging the back of her seat. Brazenly, not knowing if she had a beau, I asked if she would like the empty seat next to me. She graciously accepted, brimming with enthusiasm. We became engaged in discussion regarding the belligerent and boisterous passengers on board when suddenly, out of oblivion, the plane began to shimmy and wobble. That is when I noticed her Beige low-cut blouse was barely containing her breasts. Ok, truth is I noticed her Beige low-cut blouse was barely containing her breasts long before the bouncing and was hopeful for a bumpy flight. I’ll tell you, her boobs bounced about so that my eyes were fixed upon her bosom. Conversation turned into me nonsensically babbling like a bonehead, she must have believed me to be bonkers until she blushingly noticed the reason for my baffling behavior. One playful backhand was all it took and boom, boobs bopping around like freed jailbirds. I unbuckled my seatbelt to try and block the view with a blanket but was bashed in the face by a boob and got a black eye. Ever been beaten by a boob? Totally worth the bruise. Feel like I have been to the badlands battling rouge breasts and what a badass she is. Feeling there may be some backlash I braced for the bedlam but, no. She laid back against the backrest, plunked them back in and began bantering without any sense of burden. Time blazed by in all the hubbub. Time for decent as we soared over barriers and noted the breathtaking beauty of the teal blue sea. The Bahamas at last. Time to bask in the balmy weather and leave the bullshit behind for a week. Before disembarking she asked business or pleasure, bachelor? She then adjusted her bra, winked and said, I’m sure we will be “bumping” into each other again. I was bamboozled. I winked back and said bring on the debauchery. We bartered numbers and parted ways.
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